Are You a Spiller? A Holiday Guide for the semi-contained liquid challenged…

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images2Well, its that time of year again. People pouring, people drinking and yes spilling stuff on reindeer sweaters, Santa’s lap and carelessly placed Christmas cards. I for one consider myself a very limited spiller. I rarely spill stuff and with three kids and pets, I am always vigilant of where beverages are placed to avoid others from knocking over my freshly opened Pabst Blue Ribbon.

There are those that just seem spill-prone however. My youngest daughter being one. I know, she is only 5 (6 in 2 weeks), but she is a spiller in the making. She could spill a mobile home if she got close enough. Her Uncle Gerry is a spiller, albeit a responsible one. He always cleans it right up and to be fair it is not necessarily his spill but he is an accessory after the fact because he leaves things where the previously mentioned daughter (Megan) will seek it out and you guessed it, spill it.

Is it hereditary? Does spilling come from the mother’s side or fathers? Is it culturally acceptable in some countries? Who were our most famous spillers? Ben Franklin could’ve been a spiller. What about Taylor Swift or Al Pacino or the neighbor across the street? See, it’s insideous, a dirty secret. Spillers look just like you and me and yet near an open Mountain Dew they lose all motor control and just…..SPILL the thing! WHHHHYYYYY?

Is there such a thing as an adult sippy-cup? I will go on Shark Tank (Friday night at 9:00) and pitch it and hope not to offend any sharks that may be secret spillers.

A Few Tips for Holiday Parties:

-Identify and avoid spillers early on in the party. Let them mingle and keep to themselves and spill all over eachother.
-Bring wipes and some baking soda.
-When someone spills the merlot on the Burbury carpet, make no eye contact and keep talking about the upcoming fiscal cliff with a guy named Cliff from your wife’s law office. Don’t offer to help clean up as you are now just enabling the behavior.
-Keep the Save the Children Christmas tie tucked in so as not to entice a spiller to hug you and naturally spill non-alcoholic punch all over you while they tell you they have been sober for 30 days.

Here it comes….no use crying over spilled milk, but what about Crown Royal? And is it spilt milk or spilled? Just be careful out there this season folks. If you are a spiller, offer people a trash bag like that comedian Gallagher(sp) who smashes fruit on people in the audience and recently got a national T.V. insurance spot for some reason.

I just spilled my guts but you have nothing on you. Please do me the same favor this festive season!

Your Pal,
Fitzy

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